Learning, Unlearning

Photo 30-01-2016, 21 08 47

January was a tough month for me.

It could have been worse- actually, some pretty good things came through for me this last week but, it wasn’t smooth sailing for the most part.

On January 2, I nearly had an accident. My right tyre’s ball joints gave out, so the tire dislocated. I had just begun to ascend a small flyover bridge, so thankfully, I wasn’t speeding. I was alone, it was kind of late, 8:30pm, and my night would have turned into a horrible story if it weren’t for one man, and a lovely couple that stopped to help me. My mom keeps telling me that Lagos is dangerous. She once said, “The day Lagos will show you ehnnn…” That night, Lagos nearly showed me. I was alone, and I had barely hopped into my deliverers’ car, when a good number of area boys surrounded my vehicle. Before we came back with a tow truck, more had joined. It was the makings of a crazy night. How would I have handled that on my own? Continue reading

In Gratitude

focus

Last week was kind of rough. I was in a very thick funk. Over the weekend, in my quiet moments, I was reminded that happiness is still a choice.

I wasn’t unhappy because I had malaria, or because the roads were extra extra stressful. It was because I was so focused on the bad.

A new week is here, and I’m determined to be happy in it, be thankful for it. Here are some of the things I’m happy about today:

  1. In today’s traffic, I got to watch the Lagos sky light up, and it was beautiful.
  2. Lagos traffic is theeee absolute wurst, (yes I said wurst!) but at least, I get to suffer it in some comfort.
  3. The gift of music. Another thing that gets me through. 🙂
  4. Good health is a gift, y’all. Last week I had malaria, but now I am well. When I was doing my chores on Saturday, my body was so happy to be moving, bending, doing things without feeling heavy, slow or woozy.
  5. Family. My house is a busy place. Always a lot of people coming and going, though the permanent residents of the house are actually just 3. I may not like it all the time, but I’m thankful for them. Some people’s family stories are like Nollywood scripts, and many are too scared to really be around their own relatives and family friends.
  6. Friendship.
  7. All the love I have in my life. ❤
  8. It’s my parents’ wedding anniversary! 24 years of marriage, and almost a decade before that! 🙂
  9. MeeMee got her work visa approved! This is particularly amazing because she studied (and has fallen in love with) one of those things that would be useless in Nigeria, 2015. Not useless o, Nigeria needs people like her- but have you seen any openings for Bio-ethicists on Jobberman lately? It’s really wonderful that she gets to work in her chosen field. This gift is one so many people take for granted.
  10. My cousin (he’s 13 months old) is finally learning to trust his own two legs and I’m finding it so amazing to watch. :’)
  11. My favourite song at the moment- Applaudise by Iyanya. I’ve played it so much, my CD will soon scratch, haha! 

Over to you. What are you thankful for?

You don’t have to share it with me, but I’d like you to make your own list too. 🙂

Love,

AB,

xx

#38

I’m shit at time management. A whole day could go by and at the end of it, I don’t even know what I’ve done with the gift of life. Yes, there are big deals and little things- and sometimes it’s okay if all you do for the day is breathe. I do get around to the things I have to do, but I am often paralysed by the feeling that I’m wasting my life.

I woke up this morning wondering why I squander my time so much and just as quickly as the question came, the answer hit me:

It’s one of two things, or both of them: (or maybe the two things really constitute one thing)

  1. You don’t know your purpose in life.
  2. You don’t fully appreciate the value of your presence.

I have dreams. I strive to be a good person. But my purpose. What is MY purpose?

Have you truly thought about why YOU are here? Or what YOU are meant to do? It’s not enough anymore for me to say I want to grow up, get money and be useful in my community. I’m beginning to feel like those are good, but very vague and general, they’re just underlying things that should be on the minds of everyone my age- and my purpose and direction need to be more defined than that.

I’m not talking pre-destination. I mean, even if you don’t feel like you were born to do a set of things in the world, have you identified your own personal assignment?

I think that I don’t really know the value of my presence on Earth. Singing ‘I Was Here’ gives me the chills, but eez like It hasn’t really sunk in, I’m not too convinced. Funny, but not funny. Life is too short, we all know this. And then we lose someone or someone we know loses someone and we are reminded- and we are deep for a day and then we forget. If you are truly aware of how life short is, why you no make every moment count? How can you waste time if you really know you don’t have much left?

I look at my parents. They are mostly the standard for what to be when I’m all grown up. They are two very driven, very focused individuals. Even on off days, everything has a sense of purpose, a reason. Time with friends, time with family, nap time, wedding or party time. Clearly, they know the value of life. And time.

Is it that I don’t have a lot on my plate yet? Is this something life is going to teach me? Will it come with age and experience, should I just wait?

And if I get hit by a bus next week, then what? People have died younger and can account for SO much more.

I’m going to try to be conscious of my time today, and small small, I’ll try to take it from there. I’ve also asked God to help me discover my purpose.

On my birthday last year, I told myself I’d keep a journal and have at least 52 entries by my next birthday. An unexamined life is not worth living, and it all happens so fast, the only times I can really sit and think are when I have my pen in my hand.

This is my 38th entry, I’m not yet sure why I wanted to share it- but anyway.

Happy Sunday!

x